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TEEN DATING VIOLENCE
VICTIMS IN RURAL OHIO
Signs of Violence
Special Challenges
Recent Studies
Escape Routes
Are you a victim?
Help is Available
within Your Reach
What you can do
If you
are being abusive...
How to help a friend
More resource:
Dating Violence Resource Center
(@ the National Center for Victims of
Crime)
ELDER
ABUSE
Ohio Elder Abuse Task Force Report by
Ohio Attorney General (2005)
(ACTION OHIO is a member of Ohio Elder Abuse
Task Force.)
More resource: National
Center on Elder Abuse (NCEA)
TEEN DATING
VIOLENCE
Signs
of Violence in a Dating Relationship
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Violence
in a relationship can take many forms:
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It usually starts
with verbal abuse. Mean words and insults can hurt as much as sticks and
stones.
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The verbal abuse may
take place in public – in front of your friends, your family, and others.
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A teenage male may
insist that guys are always in charge, always call the shots.
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It’s the way
things are supposed to be.
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There may be threats
– “If you don’t do what I say, I’ll . . . .”
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Prized personal
possessions may be damaged, destroyed or may disappear.
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The violence may get
physical – slapping, hitting and more.
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There may be sexual
violence – unwanted sexual advances and even date rape.
Studies
Document Incidence of Violence in Teen Dating Relationships
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Two
recent studies document that many U.S. teenagers experience violence in
their dating relationships.
Liz
Claiborne, Inc. & the Empower Program (Washington, D.C.)
Based on interviews with
teenagers ranging in age from 14 through 17, researchers learned that 30% of
teenage girls can identify another teenager who was physically abused by a
boyfriend or girlfriend.
Aside from the physical abuse, teens also experience other forms of abuse,
such as verbal abuse, isolation from friends, being monitored as to what
they’re doing and where they’re going, and even control regarding their
choice of clothing.
More on Liz Claiborne Teen Dating
Violence Program
Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey
One in
five female high school students in the study admitted to being physically
or sexually abused by her boyfriend.
Teen
violence is often associated with the use of tobacco, substance abuse,
unhealthy weight control, risky sexual behavior (multiple sexual partners,
unprotected sex), sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and suicide
attempts.
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Is
your boyfriend or girlfriend jealous when you pay attention to or spend time
with your other friends?
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Does
your boyfriend or girlfriend check up on you all the time?
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Does
your boyfriend or girlfriend order you around?
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Does
your boyfriend or girlfriend laugh at your ideas and opinions?
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When
there’s a decision to be made, does your boyfriend or girlfriend always have
to get his or her way?
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Do you
feel like you’re being controlled all the time?
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Do
your friends and family dislike your boyfriend or girlfriend? Do they object
to the way you are being treated?
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Do you
feel afraid at times when you’re with him or her?
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Do you
feel pressured to get serious about the relationship before you’re ready?
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Does
your boyfriend or girlfriend put pressure on you to have sex?
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Do you
get blamed when he or she mistreats you? “If you didn’t always . . . ., I
wouldn’t have to hurt you.”
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Do you
fear what might happen if you broke up?
What You Can Do:
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Take
care of yourself – get safe. Have your calls screened. Arrange to have a
friend you trust go places with you. Plan to meet in public places. Avoid
being alone with no escape routes.
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Spend
time with your friends. Talk to someone you trust and share your concerns.
Ask for support. Don’t keep your family in the dark. They could be there for
you when you need help the most.
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Change
the dynamics. Rehearse in front of the mirror or with a friend. Demand
respect, calmly and matter of factly. Don’t be taken in by tears or
apologies.
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Get
help from someone in authority. Teacher. Youth group leader. School
counselor. Coach.
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You don’t deserve to be
abused!
If
You Are Being Abusive:
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Talk
to someone you trust about your anger and your need to control.
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If you love someone,
violence isn’t the way to show it.
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A healthy relationship
requires mutual respect.
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Being angry and demanding
turns everyone off.
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Seek help from a counselor
or a mentor or other adult, before your behavior limits your potential for
success in the future.
How
to Help a Friend
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Make time to talk with your
friend. Break the silence about your suspicions. Tell your friend that
you’re worried about her or him. Encourage your friend to talk about the
situation.
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If your friend does open
up, listen and be supportive. Understand that you may have to offer your
help repeatedly before she or he will take it.
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If your friend reveals that
she or he wants the violence to stop, help her or him make a plan to stop
the abuse and be safe.
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Look for services in the
community that might be helpful to your friend. The situation may require
professional assistance.
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The
situation may even require that law enforcement get involved – if someone is
truly in danger.
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Don’t take chances –
someone’s safety may be at stake.
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Abusers typically isolate victims –
by limiting their activity out of the home, by denying them resources of
cash and transportation and by creating a wedge between victims and their
families and friends.
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Victims in rural Ohio may
have the benefit of wide open spaces and a breathtaking view of the hills
and the sunset, but no one to hear them cry or see the bruises after
violence has broken the silence.
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Victims in rural Ohio may
face extra risks because the abuser may be a hunter and have guns and rifles
in the home.
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Victims in rural Ohio may
be suffering more than their city cousins from the economic downturn. The
abuser or victim may be laid off from a job. There may be only one vehicle
to be shared.
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Victims in rural Ohio may
not often have the chance to meet a neighbor, a friend or a family member.
Often abusers refuse to participate in family reunions or routine social
gatherings and prevent victims from doing so as well.
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Everyone knows everyone in
rural Ohio. Everyone’s related to everyone in rural Ohio. Who could a victim
trust? Maybe the victim is the newcomer and the abuser is everyone’s old
friend.
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There are fewer services
available in rural Ohio – fewer doctors, fewer dentists, fewer counselors,
and fewer agencies to offer intervention from abuse.
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Victims may have no witness
to their abuse, but they can record events in a journal, kept in a secret
space.
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Victims may spend long
periods isolated at home, but each time they appear in public, there are
opportunities for eye contact and careful communication of sorts.
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Victims may have few
chances to talk and mingle with other people, but they can use routine
check-ups, school conferences and church meetings to build connections to
potential lifesavers.
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When the Headstart Bus comes for
the children, victims have another link with the outside world and a chance
to send a message, to ask for help.
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A visit to the Department
of Job and Family Services may be an opportunity to let someone know that
you need help.
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If bruises require a visit
to the Emergency Room, victims may find a sympathetic listener, who suspects
that help is needed.
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Victims may have almost no
time when they are not being monitored, but they can begin to research
services they need and professionals who want to help them.
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Victims may have the
opportunity to meet with mental health professionals, to seek help for
depression and other issues caused by abuse.
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Every county in Ohio is served by a domestic
violence agency. Find shelter near you.
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Every shelter or safe house agency has a crisis
line in operation 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Many crisis lines are
toll free or are local calls.
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Most domestic violence shelters communicate
regularly and work together. If necessary, they help victims find shelter
out of their home county, farther away from their abuser.
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Protection orders are recognized in every county
and across state lines – it’s the law.
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Domestic violence service providers believe you
when you share your story of abuse.
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Domestic violence shelter staff will keep your
confidences – they know how important it is.
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Staff persons at domestic violence shelters care
about your children and are sensitive to the trauma that they also have
experienced.
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Domestic violence victim advocates are experienced
with the court system, and they will use their knowledge and know-how to
help you break free.
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Domestic violence agencies and some prosecutors’
offices provide victim advocates to accompany victims to court.
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Domestic violence agencies across Ohio work
together to help victims and their children be safe. Victims and children
may travel several counties or across the state to escape their abuser.
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Victims and their children don’t have to pay rent
to stay at a shelter or safe house.
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Victims and their children who leave home with few
of their belongings are provided with all the necessities when they arrive
at a shelter or safe house.
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While victims stay at a shelter or safe house, the
staff may assist them in obtaining legal referrals and representation.
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Some domestic violence agencies assist victims in
obtaining their GED or job training or career counseling.
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Some domestic violence agencies assist victims in
locating transitional housing and a variety of services they may need.
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